[ He moves in to give her a hug, wordlessly. Something about the hug is different; meaningful. He's gentle with his embrace at first, but then it tightens around her body and he doesn't seem like he's going to let go. ]
You didn't deserve having this happen to you.
[ Toji says that, because it's the thought that haunted him so much after his first wife died, making him remember all of the horrible things his family said and did to him; reminding him he was nothing but scum. He deserved to have happiness stripped from him, that's what he thought. He wants to make sure Ishmael doesn't have a thought like that in her head because of this. ]
[ ah, so he's been turned too. for a moment ishmael almost takes a step back for fear of being bitten, only to be engulfed in his warm embrace.
she won't lie, she did miss this. and like she'd told toji just know, she's aware that the big guy has always been bad at expressing himself. but out of everyone here, he's one of the few who actually understood what it's like to lose a partner, feeling like everything is going to fall apart from here on out.
but she's not like that. not anymore.
fortunately, she's all but ran out of tears this past week so toji's shoulders are spared from getting moistened. but she will let herself relax, her hands coming up to hug him in return. ]
None of us do, Toji. [ she sighs. ] But that's how it is, sometimes. People like us are just that unlucky.
[ Tell him about it. From the way he was born into the family that he had, into his struggle to get away from that and try to live a normal life, to whatever was happening here. He could argue what she says about none of them deserving these horrible things happening to them, saying he's done enough to get what he deserves, but now isn't the time to self deprecate or focus on himself. Toji at least has enough consideration to not bring up that.
Idly, he combs through her long locks of hair. Toji was definitely better at comforting with his touch than with his words. ]
... It'll take time. Possibly longer than anything you've ever faced, and during all of that.. it's okay to not be alright. It doesn't make you weak.
[ all she can do is huff. he is trying, she'll give him that. he's always been more of an actions kinda guy more than a words one. ]
Yeah, yeah. Since when are we "all right", though?
[ like, let's be real. it's been one ride after another with every kaiju they've face since vegas. it's no different from dealing with various abnormalities in the City, but the vibes here are different. people actually care for human lives here, despite how LILITH does it. ]
...Thanks, though. And sorry for snapping at you. It's been a hell of a month for me.
If there's anything I can do to help you, even ...
[ Toji grimaces, and it's obvious. ]
give you money or something, just let me know. I dunno what your needs are, but if you let me know, I'll see what I can do to help.
[ Toji knows that he would have benefited a lot from having someone give him money when his wife died, but that's also because he had a son he was trying to raise and no wife to help with that, so that's the first thing he thinks of. ]
Being here is a hell of a life, but.. I'd rather be here than back home, if I'm honest.
[ record scratch. what did he just say? though, it's not exactly surprising that he doesn't want to go back home if he likes it here enough, but it stuns her anyway. ]
You sure? What about your kid? And people who'd miss you?
[ Toji can’t remember if he has gotten into it much about how he was ostracized and abused for being born different than the rest of his family, but..
He rubs the back of his neck. ]
People don’t care if you have cursed energy here or not. It’s something that’s a big deal back in my society.
[ There’s also Yor, but he has enough tact to not bring that up right now, luckily. ]
If I can find happiness here, anyone can. Sometimes the road is painful at first, though. I became happy again when I allowed myself to. Took awhile. Take your time.
[ a beat. ]
Nobody misses me back home, Ishmael. I have nothing to go back to.
[ It's great to see Ishmael smiling again. Maybe she will recover sooner than he did. Granted, he held onto that grudge against fate for the longest time in regards to the death of his first wife. Toji even reaches out and gently presses his thumb along the corner of her mouth, his own hand opening up to hold her face carefully. ]
There you go. Smile a little.
[ His hand drops, and that's right when she so blatantly asks him that question! Really! ]
It would be stupid not to propose to her.
[ So yeah, but it looks like he isn't going to reveal when!! ]
[ stop, don't just hold her face like that. she may or may not be weak to it, no matter who's doing it. but then he finally puts his hand down and confirms that he's serious about proposing to his girlfriend --
it seems that the world froze for a fraction of a second. just a tad. which is very odd, when she thinks about it. she'd talked to wriothesley before about marriage and how they both aren't interested in it, yet hearing that toji is popping the question despite all the hardships he'd gone through up to this point makes her feel... conflicted.
[ but that's not good at all, is it? then again, she's been lost in the emotion sauce these past few weeks, so she's probably confusing this emotion for something else. ]
I get it. Yor's pretty wonderful. I'll keep my lips sealed till then.
[ mimes a zipping motion across her mouth, then tosses the imaginary key away. no one needs to know whatever else is wrong with her right now, shh. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2/2
You didn't deserve having this happen to you.
[ Toji says that, because it's the thought that haunted him so much after his first wife died, making him remember all of the horrible things his family said and did to him; reminding him he was nothing but scum. He deserved to have happiness stripped from him, that's what he thought. He wants to make sure Ishmael doesn't have a thought like that in her head because of this. ]
no subject
she won't lie, she did miss this. and like she'd told toji just know, she's aware that the big guy has always been bad at expressing himself. but out of everyone here, he's one of the few who actually understood what it's like to lose a partner, feeling like everything is going to fall apart from here on out.
but she's not like that. not anymore.
fortunately, she's all but ran out of tears this past week so toji's shoulders are spared from getting moistened. but she will let herself relax, her hands coming up to hug him in return. ]
None of us do, Toji. [ she sighs. ] But that's how it is, sometimes. People like us are just that unlucky.
no subject
Idly, he combs through her long locks of hair. Toji was definitely better at comforting with his touch than with his words. ]
... It'll take time. Possibly longer than anything you've ever faced, and during all of that.. it's okay to not be alright. It doesn't make you weak.
no subject
Yeah, yeah. Since when are we "all right", though?
[ like, let's be real. it's been one ride after another with every kaiju they've face since vegas. it's no different from dealing with various abnormalities in the City, but the vibes here are different. people actually care for human lives here, despite how LILITH does it. ]
...Thanks, though. And sorry for snapping at you. It's been a hell of a month for me.
no subject
[ Toji grimaces, and it's obvious. ]
give you money or something, just let me know. I dunno what your needs are, but if you let me know, I'll see what I can do to help.
[ Toji knows that he would have benefited a lot from having someone give him money when his wife died, but that's also because he had a son he was trying to raise and no wife to help with that, so that's the first thing he thinks of. ]
Being here is a hell of a life, but.. I'd rather be here than back home, if I'm honest.
no subject
[ record scratch. what did he just say? though, it's not exactly surprising that he doesn't want to go back home if he likes it here enough, but it stuns her anyway. ]
You sure? What about your kid? And people who'd miss you?
no subject
He rubs the back of his neck. ]
People don’t care if you have cursed energy here or not. It’s something that’s a big deal back in my society.
[ There’s also Yor, but he has enough tact to not bring that up right now, luckily. ]
If I can find happiness here, anyone can. Sometimes the road is painful at first, though. I became happy again when I allowed myself to. Took awhile. Take your time.
[ a beat. ]
Nobody misses me back home, Ishmael. I have nothing to go back to.
[ he also knows that he dies, so yeah. ]
no subject
still, hearing that toji is happier here makes her smile a lot more genuinely. ]
I'm happy that you're happy, Toji. That's all I wanted to hear.
[ ... ]
So are you popping the question soon, or...?
[ she's mostly kidding but -- ]
no subject
There you go. Smile a little.
[ His hand drops, and that's right when she so blatantly asks him that question! Really! ]
It would be stupid not to propose to her.
[ So yeah, but it looks like he isn't going to reveal when!! ]
1/2
it seems that the world froze for a fraction of a second. just a tad. which is very odd, when she thinks about it. she'd talked to wriothesley before about marriage and how they both aren't interested in it, yet hearing that toji is popping the question despite all the hardships he'd gone through up to this point makes her feel... conflicted.
a bit envious, even. ]
no subject
I get it. Yor's pretty wonderful. I'll keep my lips sealed till then.
[ mimes a zipping motion across her mouth, then tosses the imaginary key away. no one needs to know whatever else is wrong with her right now, shh. ]