But he'll give her a small smile, clinking his glass against hers. ]
Cheers.
[ Down the hatch it goes! And now that he's got some liquid courage in him (unnecessary but still appreciated) it's time to circle back to the original reason he'd paid her a visit. After he stares into his glass for about ten more seconds, the smile slowly fading off his face. ]
You asked me a long time ago where I got my scars from.
Edited (i'm turning into you with these edits) 2024-04-12 23:08 (UTC)
[ she takes the shot and -- oh. the atmosphere turned a little somber all of a sudden. she was planning to hold back on the drinking anyway in case there will be another repeat of the sapphire room incident, but she intends of giving him her utmost attention all the same. ]
I remember. You told me that you'd gotten them from some fights.
[ and not from some undersea monster... tch :/
but they must've come from something else, then. something much more personal, if he's finally coming around to telling her today. ]
[ He continues staring into his glass, tilting it this way and that just for a small visual distraction, the indifferent look on his face matching the dispassionate tone of his voice. Might as well be talking about the weather instead of one of the most unpleasant periods of his life. ]
Before I became the warden of the Fortress of Meropide, I was an inmate there. There was, and still is, a place called the Pankration ring. A sort of fighter's ring for people to let off some steam, or earn some extra Coupons.
[ The abrupt mention of coupons sounds so unhinged out of context.....But he will not elaborate, choosing instead to pour himself some more soju and take another hefty drink. ]
I spent most of my time fighting there. It was the easiest way to survive.
[ in hindsight, this shouldn't be a huge shock to her, but she's blinking at him in surprise anyway. all this time, she'd thought he's too nice to be working in a place like that, but...?! ]
Really?
[ she takes another good look at him. the scar under his right eye, the ones that go down his neck, the various nicks and scratches on his arms -- she can only imagine what kind of opponents he had to fight through underground, just to get a scrap to eat, presumably. coupons sound odd out of context, but it doesn't really take a genius to figure out that they're probably used to redeem things, like food or whatever. she's an honor student that way.
still, she has to ask now that he brought it up. she pours herself another glass and braces herself, her voice quiet. ]
[ There it is, the million dollar question, and a vague look of distaste flickers across his face.
Give him a moment to take another sip, even if he's suddenly wishing he'd brought something a little stronger so that the sting of alcohol against the back of his throat can truly snap his senses awake. Well, it's not as though there aren't people already aware of his criminal past, even if he can count the number he's told personally on one hand.
And then he's looking up, meeting her gaze as he answers evenly. ]
[ and there it is. ishmael doesn't show any outward reaction to the loredrop, but she is pretty floored by the revelation on the inside. it's not uncommon to kill in the City -- at least in the Backstreets where it'll forever be lawless compared to the safer Nest she lived in -- but family is another thing. not that she feels any real emotional attachment to hers either, but...
she nods solemnly, takes another shot. it must've been hard for him to spill something like that to her, what with how awfully secretive he can be, so to hear this from him now is... ]
They did something to you, didn't they.
[ he's always been a rational guy. something must have pushed him to the edge, even if it is the people who took him in. the fact that she would know this is making her a little heady. ]
[ His fingers pause in surprise at the question, an unconscious frown springing to his lips. Not why or how come, but an allegation directed at the deceased rather than the one that had murdered them. ]
What makes you say that?
[ It's more of a pointless quip than a question, and certainly not one he expects an answer to—or one he gives her much time to answer, his own reply coming hot on the heels of another large gulp. This is the most he's drunk with anyone since arriving here.
He glances back down at his glass, swirling the last dregs of his drink around. ]
Technically, they never physically hurt me. They always treated me quite well, in fact. [ For a moment he almost sounds like his usual self, voice lilting upwards before it hardens again. ] It's just a shame that they never saw me as anything more than currency, an animal to be raised and then sold to the highest bidder.
[ horrible. reprehensible. trafficking is definitely a thing in the City, but ishmael is lucky enough not to have heard more personal tales about it from any of her peers on the bus, nor from her fellow sailors when she was still working as one. her math may not be math-ing right now since she's currently drinking, but the fact that he was going to be sold as the highest bidder by his foster parents... meant that this happened when he was probably a kid. maybe. either way it must've happened way back then.
her grip around the glass tightens. being used like livestock and not having the power to break out of it... it's bringing back some fresh, unpleasant memories for her too. ]
I don't blame you. For killing them. [ he has every right to, in her honest opinion. she pours herself another glass and throws it back. ] I wanted to kill someone who did the same thing to me, too.
[ She should blame him for killing them, at least a little bit. At the end of the day, murder is murder no matter how justified the reason. It's blood on his hands he'll never wash off, and a memory in his mind he'll never be able forget completely.
But it does take a backseat now at her admission, his eyes widening and frown deepening as he stares at her. Even his drink goes forgotten as he tries to process this new information. The reminder of just how cruel some people can be makes him angry, but more than that it makes his heart ache, to know that she'd been used and then betrayed in a similar way. No one should ever have to go through something like that. ]
Did you?
[ Kill them, that is. Or did she break out of the cycle before he could? ]
[ nope, sorry. wriothesley might discover that she can be a tad too pragmatic for her own good. fool her once, shame on her; fool her twice... well, that's an instant mace to the head. she just doesn't have it in her to give a shit once she's completely been wronged after everything she's been through. something something about hell having no fury for a woman scorned or whatever.
but that being said: ] I decided to spare her. To remind me of the sins I committed with the path I've taken.
[ and, well, that bitch might have already died anyway but this ain't about her rn. it's complicated to explain in one sitting anyway. so she looks at him with a small smile. ]
But that's a story for another day. [ it's still wrio's time to shine. ] It must've been hard though, telling me all this. But... why now?
[ Is it weird that he's relieved she didn't? She would have had the right to but somehow it's reassuring to know she didn't cave to the darkness inside of her, no matter what the reason might have been.
But....hmm. He goes quiet, pausing again to pour himself some more soju, though he doesn't drink from it right away. There's a nice buzz at the back of his head, lowkey but warm. ]
During the last mission, you told me you wanted me to feel comfortable around you the same way you are around me.
[ He's been thinking about those words a lot since then, turning them over in his head while he downs his breakfast each morning, and before bed each night as he turns off the lights. Words are shallow, hollow things but actions....those are a little different.
He lifts his glass and gestures, a small but sweeping motion meant to encapsulate everything around them. ]
I do feel comfortable around you.
[ Comfortable enough to sit here on the floor of her room knocking back soju, and to trust her enough to share with her the ugly parts of his past he's locked away in his heart all these years. It all comes full circle.
Also she'd been fucking asleep the last time he'd said it so now he has to say it again. :/ ]
[ she was actually very close to giving in to that darkness, and even now she still desires to squeeze the very life out of that woman with her own two hands. but as a certain fixer would've put it -- that's that, and this is this.
but oh. oh, this is a big deal, and she knows it. he's probably being needled by his peers to open up for a long while now, ishmael included, so for him to tell her upfront about the one thing that he's probably kept close to his chest till today... she's floored, and it's a good thing she's literally sitting on the floor right now. ]
Er, well... [ she can't help but stammer. it's so rare of him to be this earnest, ok. wtf. ] I'm honored. Very honored. Um.
[ a pause, as she starts to put two and two together with her soju-filled brain. she's trying so fucking hard. ]
So you really meant that. You could've easily just stopped me when I kissed you, but...
[ ...she's going to pour two more shots than this, her cheeks flaring as she does so. actually, can she just drink straight from the bottle? that sounds pretty good right about now, let her try just that. ]
Actually, it's kind of funny how seriously she's trying to respond to everything he's told her. He's weirdly charmed by it. Too bad it only lasts for half a minute before they're shifting towards a topic that's mildly uncomfortable for different reasons. ]
Meant what, kissing you?
[ They're really gonna go back to that again, huh. ]
I don't usually kiss people I'm not interested in, Ishmael.
[ And okay, sometimes that interest is purely for sex but that's still a valid interest!! Not the specific interest being shown here (okay, maybe a little bit) but that's not the point. The point is--wait, hang on, he has to point at the soju bottle she's trying to down first. ]
Are you sure you should be drinking that much?
[ Did she already forget what happened the last time she got wasted in front of him? ]
[ of course she wants to respond to everything he told her! she is taking this seriously!! but maybe she has to give up drinking for the rest of the night for that, huh. she hesitates, before giving him the bottle. he'll be in charge of her intake tonight u_u
and of course she's going to bring that up again. she couldn't get it out of her mind since. and with him here, she probably wouldn't mind going for it again, but that's the alcohol talking for her. definitely.
she sighs, closing her eyes in embarrassment. ]
A... lot of the girls are interested in you, too.
[ she counted. his name was brought up plenty of times during the discussion on who they all wanted to get with. she didn't think much of it back then, but now... ]
Would you have done the same thing to any of them? [ a pause, before aggressively shaking her head. ] Sorry. This is ridiculous, I know.
[ this sucks. it really does feel like she's back to being a teenage schoolgirl again. ]
[ The way he's heard this from two separate people now....Those girls sure were chatty, huh?
Also he's been so honest this evening that the thought of having to be even more honest about his feelings is starting to give him hives, but thankfully his braincells are working overtime and starting to put two and two together. A bunch of girls talking about him....Sooyoung sending him a boatload of nonsense a few days ago....
Wait a minute.
He sits up straight, eyes narrowing. ]
Was Sooyoung there?
[ This is not deflection, he'll circle back around later. ]
[ Ignore him as he mutters to himself and takes another drink. This explains everything!!! She probably wrote more about other people too then, huh? But this conversation ain't about Sooyoung, and he's quick to turn things back to the original topic.
Louder: ]
I'd prefer it if she didn't put me on any lists, so that's quite fine. [ ANYWAY. ] You're quite the popular choice yourself though, you know. Are you sure you wouldn't do that with someone else?
[ With everyone is apparently the only answer here, but before he can answer with that, Ishmael's flopping over against her bed and whatever thoughts of guys' or girls' gossip sputters to a halt as a thread of concern snakes its way ahead.
He puts his glass down, just in case he has to help her up onto her bed or towards the bathroom. ]
[ i mean, it's soju. but it's not just the drink that's making ishmael feel weird -- her drunken mind is working over time in a futile effort to be rational at a time like this as she dwells on the question wriothesley asked her a moment ago.
would she have done the same with the other guys? obviously the first one to come to mind is toji. he was the other person she'd kissed with tongue before so she figured it'd be the same... but it's not. she can't see herself doing that to him in semi-public, out of sheer worry and impulsivity. what they have is different; it was purely physical, nothing more.
but now this leaves her with only one conclusion. why she'd rather do it with wriothesley, and why she wouldn't hesitate to do it again in better, less harrowing circumstances. ]
she wanted so bad to deny this for a long time, ever since certain people have brought it up with her. falling for someone is practically a taboo for most fixers if you want to be efficient about it, after all. no use getting attached to your coworkers if they're just gonna die at any time due to the city's astronomically high mortality rate. she was dreading this ever since the very idea was put into her head, and maybe there's still hope that maybe this is just meaningless chemistry that won't have to go anywhere.
but that's the only logical conclusion she can come up with it for now, and the very thought of it is making her ill. not because she hates the idea, but because now she has to dwell on that very idea until it drives her crazy and that means-- ]
[ she can't talk to him about it. not now, until she gets a better hold of herself. and the very thought of hiding all this from him is also making her ill and--
she shakes her head, the color draining from her face the more she overthinks. ]
I... may have had too much to drink. Sorry.
[ there it is, the first lie. and that won't be the last. ]
[ can't believe she would lie to him after he poured his heart out to her.........................
Years spent in a volatile environment have trained him to notice subtle shifts in posture and expression, not out of any voluntary urge to learn but because of simple necessity. Ishmael's going through something alright, but he's not entirely convinced it's 100% due to all the alcohol that's been passed around. At the same time, it's not any of his right to pry. If she wants to tell him, if she trusts him enough to tell him, then she will. And he can trust in her enough to believe that she will tell him whatever's on her mind when the time comes, if it's important enough.
Instead of asking anything further he gets up, the sound of crinkling plastic filling the air as he steps over to the desk and fishes a water bottle out, frowning at the way it takes half a second for the equilibrium at the back of his head to catch up with the rest of his body. Popping open the lid, he turns and offers it to Ishmael. ]
Here.
[ Hopefully she doesn't need to be told to drink water. ]
[ she can't believe it either, and it's making her feel extra guilty. this shouldn't even be all about her at all, after wriothesley went out of his way to tell her things that he'd never tell anyone, at least not in a very long time. a lot of people have tried, and with how he had to be tormented by malkuth in order to pull some answers out of him, ishmael absolutely can't blame him for keeping his mouth shut.
she blinks blearily at the water before carefully grabbing it, taking large gulps of if until she's completely drained the entire thing. haha wow, this is an extreme thirst all right. at least some of the color's returned to her face, though she's far from feeling better now that the idea's completely rooted in her mind with no way of pulling it out for the time being.
... ]
Thanks. [ her voice is weak as her head's bent down. she's thanking him mostly for the water but also: ] For... trusting me, Wriothesley.
[ she wouldn't have come up with that conclusion without you. ]
Also her words would be a lot more convincing if she hadn't looked like she'd been ready to puke a minute ago. As it stands, he loiters nearby, just in case he does have to grab the plastic bag and shove it under her face. ]
I trust you won't make me regret it.
[ It's meant to be a joke but the words come out half-hearted, probably because it's hard for him to even joke about something like this. ]
Guess I should start cleaning all this up though, huh? [ Drink time is over..... ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But he'll give her a small smile, clinking his glass against hers. ]
Cheers.
[ Down the hatch it goes! And now that he's got some liquid courage in him (unnecessary but still appreciated) it's time to circle back to the original reason he'd paid her a visit. After he stares into his glass for about ten more seconds, the smile slowly fading off his face. ]
You asked me a long time ago where I got my scars from.
wtf
I remember. You told me that you'd gotten them from some fights.
[ and not from some undersea monster... tch :/
but they must've come from something else, then. something much more personal, if he's finally coming around to telling her today. ]
What... happened?
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I did.
[ He continues staring into his glass, tilting it this way and that just for a small visual distraction, the indifferent look on his face matching the dispassionate tone of his voice. Might as well be talking about the weather instead of one of the most unpleasant periods of his life. ]
Before I became the warden of the Fortress of Meropide, I was an inmate there. There was, and still is, a place called the Pankration ring. A sort of fighter's ring for people to let off some steam, or earn some extra Coupons.
[ The abrupt mention of coupons sounds so unhinged out of context.....But he will not elaborate, choosing instead to pour himself some more soju and take another hefty drink. ]
I spent most of my time fighting there. It was the easiest way to survive.
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Really?
[ she takes another good look at him. the scar under his right eye, the ones that go down his neck, the various nicks and scratches on his arms -- she can only imagine what kind of opponents he had to fight through underground, just to get a scrap to eat, presumably. coupons sound odd out of context, but it doesn't really take a genius to figure out that they're probably used to redeem things, like food or whatever. she's an honor student that way.
still, she has to ask now that he brought it up. she pours herself another glass and braces herself, her voice quiet. ]
...What were you in for?
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Give him a moment to take another sip, even if he's suddenly wishing he'd brought something a little stronger so that the sting of alcohol against the back of his throat can truly snap his senses awake. Well, it's not as though there aren't people already aware of his criminal past, even if he can count the number he's told personally on one hand.
And then he's looking up, meeting her gaze as he answers evenly. ]
I killed my foster parents.
[ sometimes you do a little murder, as a treat! ]
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she nods solemnly, takes another shot. it must've been hard for him to spill something like that to her, what with how awfully secretive he can be, so to hear this from him now is... ]
They did something to you, didn't they.
[ he's always been a rational guy. something must have pushed him to the edge, even if it is the people who took him in. the fact that she would know this is making her a little heady. ]
cw: mentions of child trafficking
What makes you say that?
[ It's more of a pointless quip than a question, and certainly not one he expects an answer to—or one he gives her much time to answer, his own reply coming hot on the heels of another large gulp. This is the most he's drunk with anyone since arriving here.
He glances back down at his glass, swirling the last dregs of his drink around. ]
Technically, they never physically hurt me. They always treated me quite well, in fact. [ For a moment he almost sounds like his usual self, voice lilting upwards before it hardens again. ] It's just a shame that they never saw me as anything more than currency, an animal to be raised and then sold to the highest bidder.
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[ horrible. reprehensible. trafficking is definitely a thing in the City, but ishmael is lucky enough not to have heard more personal tales about it from any of her peers on the bus, nor from her fellow sailors when she was still working as one. her math may not be math-ing right now since she's currently drinking, but the fact that he was going to be sold as the highest bidder by his foster parents... meant that this happened when he was probably a kid. maybe. either way it must've happened way back then.
her grip around the glass tightens. being used like livestock and not having the power to break out of it... it's bringing back some fresh, unpleasant memories for her too. ]
I don't blame you. For killing them. [ he has every right to, in her honest opinion. she pours herself another glass and throws it back. ] I wanted to kill someone who did the same thing to me, too.
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But it does take a backseat now at her admission, his eyes widening and frown deepening as he stares at her. Even his drink goes forgotten as he tries to process this new information. The reminder of just how cruel some people can be makes him angry, but more than that it makes his heart ache, to know that she'd been used and then betrayed in a similar way. No one should ever have to go through something like that. ]
Did you?
[ Kill them, that is. Or did she break out of the cycle before he could? ]
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but that being said: ] I decided to spare her. To remind me of the sins I committed with the path I've taken.
[ and, well, that bitch might have already died anyway but this ain't about her rn. it's complicated to explain in one sitting anyway. so she looks at him with a small smile. ]
But that's a story for another day. [ it's still wrio's time to shine. ] It must've been hard though, telling me all this. But... why now?
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But....hmm. He goes quiet, pausing again to pour himself some more soju, though he doesn't drink from it right away. There's a nice buzz at the back of his head, lowkey but warm. ]
During the last mission, you told me you wanted me to feel comfortable around you the same way you are around me.
[ He's been thinking about those words a lot since then, turning them over in his head while he downs his breakfast each morning, and before bed each night as he turns off the lights. Words are shallow, hollow things but actions....those are a little different.
He lifts his glass and gestures, a small but sweeping motion meant to encapsulate everything around them. ]
I do feel comfortable around you.
[ Comfortable enough to sit here on the floor of her room knocking back soju, and to trust her enough to share with her the ugly parts of his past he's locked away in his heart all these years. It all comes full circle.
Also she'd been fucking asleep the last time he'd said it so now he has to say it again. :/ ]
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but oh. oh, this is a big deal, and she knows it. he's probably being needled by his peers to open up for a long while now, ishmael included, so for him to tell her upfront about the one thing that he's probably kept close to his chest till today... she's floored, and it's a good thing she's literally sitting on the floor right now. ]
Er, well... [ she can't help but stammer. it's so rare of him to be this earnest, ok. wtf. ] I'm honored. Very honored. Um.
[ a pause, as she starts to put two and two together with her soju-filled brain. she's trying so fucking hard. ]
So you really meant that. You could've easily just stopped me when I kissed you, but...
[ ...she's going to pour two more shots than this, her cheeks flaring as she does so. actually, can she just drink straight from the bottle? that sounds pretty good right about now, let her try just that. ]
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Actually, it's kind of funny how seriously she's trying to respond to everything he's told her. He's weirdly charmed by it. Too bad it only lasts for half a minute before they're shifting towards a topic that's mildly uncomfortable for different reasons. ]
Meant what, kissing you?
[ They're really gonna go back to that again, huh. ]
I don't usually kiss people I'm not interested in, Ishmael.
[ And okay, sometimes that interest is purely for sex but that's still a valid interest!! Not the specific interest being shown here (okay, maybe a little bit) but that's not the point. The point is--wait, hang on, he has to point at the soju bottle she's trying to down first. ]
Are you sure you should be drinking that much?
[ Did she already forget what happened the last time she got wasted in front of him? ]
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and of course she's going to bring that up again. she couldn't get it out of her mind since. and with him here, she probably wouldn't mind going for it again, but that's the alcohol talking for her. definitely.
she sighs, closing her eyes in embarrassment. ]
A... lot of the girls are interested in you, too.
[ she counted. his name was brought up plenty of times during the discussion on who they all wanted to get with. she didn't think much of it back then, but now... ]
Would you have done the same thing to any of them? [ a pause, before aggressively shaking her head. ] Sorry. This is ridiculous, I know.
[ this sucks. it really does feel like she's back to being a teenage schoolgirl again. ]
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Also he's been so honest this evening that the thought of having to be even more honest about his feelings is starting to give him hives, but thankfully his braincells are working overtime and starting to put two and two together. A bunch of girls talking about him....Sooyoung sending him a boatload of nonsense a few days ago....
Wait a minute.
He sits up straight, eyes narrowing. ]
Was Sooyoung there?
[ This is not deflection, he'll circle back around later. ]
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I don't remember if she said if you were hot though, so don't question me that...
[ help.......... ]
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[ Ignore him as he mutters to himself and takes another drink. This explains everything!!! She probably wrote more about other people too then, huh? But this conversation ain't about Sooyoung, and he's quick to turn things back to the original topic.
Louder: ]
I'd prefer it if she didn't put me on any lists, so that's quite fine. [ ANYWAY. ] You're quite the popular choice yourself though, you know. Are you sure you wouldn't do that with someone else?
[ Now he's deflecting. ]
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A popular choice with who?
[ DOES SHE WANT TO KNOW??? it's probably just toji. but if toji's there, then what if he's been blabbing to the guys about his thing with her?
she doesn't feel good all of a sudden, as she leans her head on the edge of the bed. ough... ]
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He puts his glass down, just in case he has to help her up onto her bed or towards the bathroom. ]
Ishmael? Are you alright?
[ DID SHE HAVE TOO MUCH TO DRINK.... ]
1/3
would she have done the same with the other guys? obviously the first one to come to mind is toji. he was the other person she'd kissed with tongue before so she figured it'd be the same... but it's not. she can't see herself doing that to him in semi-public, out of sheer worry and impulsivity. what they have is different; it was purely physical, nothing more.
but now this leaves her with only one conclusion. why she'd rather do it with wriothesley, and why she wouldn't hesitate to do it again in better, less harrowing circumstances. ]
2/3
she wanted so bad to deny this for a long time, ever since certain people have brought it up with her. falling for someone is practically a taboo for most fixers if you want to be efficient about it, after all. no use getting attached to your coworkers if they're just gonna die at any time due to the city's astronomically high mortality rate. she was dreading this ever since the very idea was put into her head, and maybe there's still hope that maybe this is just meaningless chemistry that won't have to go anywhere.
but that's the only logical conclusion she can come up with it for now, and the very thought of it is making her ill. not because she hates the idea, but because now she has to dwell on that very idea until it drives her crazy and that means-- ]
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she shakes her head, the color draining from her face the more she overthinks. ]
I... may have had too much to drink. Sorry.
[ there it is, the first lie. and that won't be the last. ]
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Years spent in a volatile environment have trained him to notice subtle shifts in posture and expression, not out of any voluntary urge to learn but because of simple necessity. Ishmael's going through something alright, but he's not entirely convinced it's 100% due to all the alcohol that's been passed around. At the same time, it's not any of his right to pry. If she wants to tell him, if she trusts him enough to tell him, then she will. And he can trust in her enough to believe that she will tell him whatever's on her mind when the time comes, if it's important enough.
Instead of asking anything further he gets up, the sound of crinkling plastic filling the air as he steps over to the desk and fishes a water bottle out, frowning at the way it takes half a second for the equilibrium at the back of his head to catch up with the rest of his body. Popping open the lid, he turns and offers it to Ishmael. ]
Here.
[ Hopefully she doesn't need to be told to drink water. ]
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she blinks blearily at the water before carefully grabbing it, taking large gulps of if until she's completely drained the entire thing. haha wow, this is an extreme thirst all right. at least some of the color's returned to her face, though she's far from feeling better now that the idea's completely rooted in her mind with no way of pulling it out for the time being.
... ]
Thanks. [ her voice is weak as her head's bent down. she's thanking him mostly for the water but also: ] For... trusting me, Wriothesley.
[ she wouldn't have come up with that conclusion without you. ]
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Also her words would be a lot more convincing if she hadn't looked like she'd been ready to puke a minute ago. As it stands, he loiters nearby, just in case he does have to grab the plastic bag and shove it under her face. ]
I trust you won't make me regret it.
[ It's meant to be a joke but the words come out half-hearted, probably because it's hard for him to even joke about something like this. ]
Guess I should start cleaning all this up though, huh? [ Drink time is over..... ]
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